on the lighter side of life

With the world sliding full speed into the gravest scenario since a meteor walloped it, wiping out all manner of species, we thank heaven for comedians (especially the Canadian variety). Only a highly evolved race can laugh at itself as it teeters on the edge of extinction. If we’ve taken ourselves too seriously at times, it’s only because we forgot to listen to the tiny Jim Carrey or Dan Aykroyd jesting inside. I mean, come on, did we really think we could defy all constructive perimeters of existence and get away with it indefinitely? We are indeed a laughable lot! Well, hopefully some eleventh-hour humble introspection and meditation will bring out the very best in each of us, and bring a rosy hue to the prospects for the coming generations.

My wife and I find ourselves constantly playing funny role improvisation (it’s probably out of survival instinct – the only way to survive if you both live and work under one roof!) We are living proof that only the body ages … the soul keeps getting younger and sillier. After I’ve had a particularly good morning meditation, I feel like a small kid in a universal Disney land, with creativity and mirth springing out of my every pore. We may think it would be highly irresponsible to let children run the world, but what about the children inside us, with the important advantage of all our years of practical experience and knowledge. Just add the wisdom, common-sense and benevolence of a child (okay, my two-year-old was also definitely not ‘benevolent’, but you know what I mean), and we could steer the ship of humanity into more peaceful waters.

As the desperate, tearful child said in a CNN interview this morning, after he and his mom lost their home to the Recession: “PEOPLE HAVE GOT TO START HELPING EACH OTHER!”

Where there’s the capacity and a heartfelt will, there’s a way.

trying to fathom the unfathomable

We just came home from a beautiful ceremony celebrating the short life of a dear friend, Anna-Radhika, who passed away nine days ago after sudden complications in her lungs. In evidence of this fifteen-year-old’s open and loving personality, was the large variety of adorers who came to wish her well on her outward journey. Apart from the many relatives from two distinct cultures – Austrian and Indian – there was a multitude of friends, and friends of friends. A whole school bus of classmates were present with tears of affection, enthusiastic recollections of life with her, and dozens of colorful balloons that they let playfully fly up to heaven with her. There have been a few great souls in history who have earned the respect of the masses simply through their inherent state of deep generosity, and their unconditional giving to others that which is essential and beloved to all: love. But it seems that more and more of these great personages are being born among us, to help lift us on our glorious way.

Before this funeral service, I had big aspirations to write about some important lessons we all need to learn in life, but I suddenly find myself as small and ignorant in this great, mysterious universe as every other mortal. How can anyone else know all the factors that determine the plot of another soul’s story? How many of us leave behind our present role to pass onto another stage in fulfillment of higher destiny; and who leaves unnecessarily, at the wrong time, by accident? Are there such things as accidents when it comes to birth and death, and what can we, as parents, do to ensure the subtle nurturing of our children? Someone told me last week that he had suffered chronic bronchitis till the age of sixteen. He could suddenly breathe freely for the first time in his life, as soon as his father and grandfather made up and started speaking with each other after years of mutual hatred. I’ve discovered late in life that my many moments of urgent desire to die, to leave, to run away from a horrible world of pain and frustration, came from scary feelings in my childhood when my parents were drunk and fighting, or simply not there for me in my darkness. I realized at some point, that I could never take my life, because, even though I didn’t like myself very much, I could never mercilessly hurt all the people who love me – that, I could never do. And now I see that my role here is still unfolding. But some do depart, what seems to us to be too early, and for a myriad of reasons that we may never logically understand.

When an apparently happy, healthy person stops breathing, due to an otherwise manageable condition, we may well wonder if they were trying to tell us something. In such a dramatic exit there may be an ardent plea to the world: Never forget to live each breath with heartfelt enthusiasm! You too are special.

Anna-Radhika ~ 9 August 1993, to 23 April 2009

(Our condolences go out to the suffering heart that was one with her. No earthquake or hurricane can compare in ferocity to the grief of a mother that has just lost her only child.)

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world peace begins in each heart …

Despite the fact that the world family is growing closer and closer together in communication, love and understanding, there are still certain hot-spots on our planet that require patient, collective attention. One such healing wound is called Cyprus. In mid-January, 2009, the voices of a few international artists and enthusiastic children brought cooling balm in the form of ‘Elephants for Peace.’ This was the beginning of a world-tour art/peace project created by German artist and historian, Rose Marie Gnausch, and the Art Initiative Naturalmente RoMa.

My wife and I were honored to be present for this inauguration, to be able to share our creative talents for such a noble cause, and to meet so many local, influential people whose hearts are set on peace for future generations. The next event in Cyprus will be along Ledra Street in Nicosia on both sides of the border – May 9 and 10, for the one year anniversary of this border opening – before the growing exhibition moves on to other countries. Here’s my little film collage of the initial ’sprouting’ (higher resolution, HQ,  can be selected in the bottom, right corner after clicking on YouTube) …

if that doesn’t work, go to this address and wait a few minutes for high resolution streaming before playing:

http://homepage.mac.com/ed_saugstad/Sites/Go-Ganesha-Go.m4v

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never a dulllll moment

After arriving back over in Vancouver for a summer holiday, many new amazing things started falling into place….

The fun started with a spontaneous boat ride to the beautiful island resort where I spent my childhood summers. With a couple of brothers and my wife and son, we visited Buccaneer Bay (its real name!) for my first time in thirty-five years. (Captain McTaggart, one of the Greenpeace pioneers, also spent holidays there with his family in their cottage. Celebrities parked their yachts in the bay on their cruises along the coast. The Canadian Prime Minister stopped in once, and we saw John Wayne and his family another time!) It was the first place that I experienced joy. It happened when I was about twelve while climbing the small mountain there, Spyglass Hill, and seeing the breath-taking view of forests, islands and heaven-blue ocean, skies and mountains stretching out to all horizons. I would often take my sleeping-bag down to the white, sandy beach at night and fall asleep in the peaceful solitude, watching the endless, timeless starry heavens. The place hadn’t changed. There were still the same cottages, trees (quite a bit bigger now!), mossy bluffs and fresh, salty breezes – and still no electricity or modern conveniences! We knocked on our old neighbour’s door and found that most of their family was there, including new grandchildren and great-grandchildren. As one of the Hendersons remarked, it was a ‘blast from the past’ meeting again after so long.

During our outing, I happened to mention something to one of my brothers about our childhood and the two sisters and the brother that we never met, as our father had left his first wife and kids to marry our mom, who then gave birth to us. To my great surprise, he told me that two of Dad’s first offspring had managed to contact him a few years back. After discovering the name and hometown of one, I wasted no time in contacting her. She was so thrilled to get a call from me, that she couldn’t sleep the whole night as she had waited her whole life to meet us. We had agreed to meet the following weekend. My wife, Brigitte, and I spent the night in the home of my lost sister and her husband (who is part native Canadian, the great-grandson of a First Nation chief). By the time we left the next day, it felt like a half century of healing had taken place, as the joy and vibrations were very strong. We also spoke on the phone to my other missing siblings, and we’ve planned to get together soon for a big reunion. (As it turns out, my other sister breeds horses, and one of them was in China recently participating in the Olympics!)

We then had a great time the following two days as guests of the local Hindu Temple, which held a festive open-house. A dear friend and professional singer from India, who recently settled in Victoria, was invited to sing. The audience loved him. We also presented a small introduction to Sahaja Yoga, which was also very much appreciated by all.

Along the merry way, I made a point of distributing copies of my new children’s books to families that we passed on planes, ferries and other public places (as well as among our old friends at Buccaneer Bay, feeling somehow that I was sending redeeming vibrations back into my sometimes scary and tragic childhood). The stories, full of loving vibes, are created to help lift the reader toward self-realization. Surprisingly, many adults have also reported getting special, uplifting feelings from these fictional adventures! I hope those hundred or so books – and the many more that may eventually make their ways into the lives and hearts of good souls everywhere – will help in some small way to water the roots of enlightenment in the coming generation.

(p.s. – Did you know that the largest octopuses in the world live in the waters between Vancouver and Victoria, and that you can see whales, dolphins and seals almost every day there? Did you know there are magnificent, natural guardians watching over Vancouver, two mountain peaks with the shapes of lions, as well as the huge rain-forest city park with the shape of an elephant’s – Ganesha’s? – head?)

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the next generation

A little girl from my hometown spills her heart to the United Nations

don’t dry out

Mother: “Never mind, dear. You’re too young to understand the difference between heaven and hell.”

Child: “I know the difrinz! Heaven is where you have lots of love and fun, and hell is where everybody just stays serious.”

the calm before the storm

We get a great variety of small birds here in our corner of the Vienna Woods, but this morning brought an eerie stillness. Just one tiny fellow made his way nervously through the garden, grabbing a quick last meal before the storm hits.

As the ominous wind begins to rise, we’re once again reminded of the delicate balance that exists between us and our perishable environment. Throughout this day, as blasted trees sever human power lines, and roofs are torn from human homes, we can look ahead and worry; or we can look within and change.

My young son mentioned yesterday, how dramatically the world is splitting between the very positive and the very negative. On the one hand, people are religiously killing themselves, children, and even the Earth, as if life no longer has value – and the corrupt just keep getting more selfish and powerful; and on the other hand, universal cooperation, communication and understanding is at a record high. If we could just go a little bit deeper into the vast reservoir of wisdom inside ourselves, the benefits would spill out into this life that we know and love. We give our children presents on religious holidays and birthdays, but do we give them that basic requirement – the obvious – a safe future on an abundant planet?

Climate is a reflection of our collective, inner state. It’s time to tidy up in there.

when the heart takes to flight

As mentioned at the beginning, the human heart is a veritable treasure chest of wonderful surprises, still lying buried under our layers of conditionings and projections. When the subtle key rises up the spine to unlock the gate at the top of the head, we start a new, enriched life full of the treasures of joy and spontaneity. Once released from it’s bonds, it will fly you on to beauty undreamed of. . . .

do you know what your child is feeling right now?

Eight weeks after my fifteenth birthday I swallowed a massive dose of LSD and went temporarily insane. I still sharply recall the feeling of sheer terror when I realized that I was losing my mind. The demons moved in to possess my soul and I was plunged into a sadistic hell; my mind on fire and my heart torn to pieces in my chest – and then weeks of utter emotional darkness. Nine years later, hard drugs and alcohol had almost extinguished what remained of the small, comforting light somewhere inside me, but at one point a motherly hand reached down deep into the vacuum that was my life, and pulled me lovingly up into the fresh air and sunshine. When I see photos of myself as a teenager, I’m surprised to see how young and vulnerable I looked. I had thought that I was grown up and master of my world. How very sad to be so completely lost in the midst of a civilization that is supposed to be advanced.

I come from a broken home – not in the sense of bombs exploding and loved ones killed by war or hunger, like some children; but an almost mundane, commonplace sort of broken home: one cracked by Drunkenness and Divorce. My parents are lovely people; sensitive and kind. But sensitivity has not been a virtue cherished in our society. Escape into intoxication has rendered most of us numb to the terrible norms of our lives – child abuse, mockery, violence and the like.

I’ve been clean for almost twenty-six years now. In this time, I’ve reached peaks of joy and clarity that I didn’t believe were available to normal human beings like myself. When you feel the presence of that person beside you on the bus, or you hurriedly brush past your child or spouse, ask yourself what they might be feeling. Could they be in a desperate state of inner need? And should they require your loving attention, would you have the capacity to quench their burning thirst? It’s up to each of us to attain the beautiful Unlimited in us and share it as unconditionally as possible. It’s time to find out just how amazing we really are.

pure desire

There once was a child
Who played with a ball
And thought of the children
With no ball at all:

 

He picked up that ball
And gave it a kiss
And for every poor child
A ball he did wish.

 

There once was a child
Who looked at the sky
And seeing the dirt there
She started to cry:

 

She reached out her arms
Hugged sky to her heart
And prayed that the people
Stop sending up dark.

 

There once was a child
Who dreamed in the night
That God is inside us
With comfort and light,

 

And when the time comes
For the Mother to rise
All the problems will end
In the love from our eyes.

 

- e.s.

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this morning in Venice

 

Looking out from our hotel in Venice this morning (where my wife participated in an art exhibition), I noticed a classroom full of Italian children through the window across the way. We had just spent the previous evening strolling through famous museums where the intense expressions of human souls have been on display for tens and, in some cases, hundreds of years. The ever-present thirst for growth and becoming was stirring. Now watching these children play and study, I was moved by the contrast between this striving generation’s vast creative potential and will to shape our future, and the watery foundations on which we were presently all resting.

The thought that this charming, ancient city may some day be a ghost-town with the indifferent tides of time rotting its foundations and peeling away its fine tapestries, awoke in me a deep resolve to help reinforce the foundations of our race. If there was ever a moment in history to fully awaken and share the permanent treasure of enlightenment, then surely that moment is now. A time when the beautiful white light of Spirit can shine through the colorful prism that is each person, enriching every culture. With the trigger for activating this unprecedented leap in our evolution just waiting in each of us for our heartfelt attention, it is so important that we communicate the light we find within, and help each other to climb up to the secure heights.

 

We have passed through centuries of unbearable injustice and brutality, but still we return again and again with hope in our hearts. May not the long hope of a single soul prove fruitless.

(For all those who clearly feel this connection, the haunting mystery of life has been replaced with lasting delight. Neither church nor temple can house that direct connection which lives in every human being.)

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season’s greetings

Hi . . .
This is just a little Christmas greeting – taking an opportunity to wish you well at a special moment in time. For some, this particular moment won’t seem significant, that is, if you find in yourself no particular reason to especially enjoy the birthday of Jesus Christ, possibly because of other religious beliefs or out of disdain for the materialistic attitudes it brings out. Personally, I also respect and enjoy the special days set aside to honor others who deserve our admiration and gratitude: Buddha, Mohammed, Nanak, Moses, Krishna, Lao Tse and the many more who came, in indescribable compassion and wisdom, to guide us on the long road.

But I take this moment to honor the universal child in us – Shri Ganesha and Lord Jesus – with the sincere hope that we may all soon enjoy the unlimited joy and clarity that only a balanced child can know. And I honor universal motherhood. There are many who look forward with dread and insecurity. When I look forward, I look also inward, and I know that there is much to be enjoyed coming our way. That’s not a hunch but a certainty. I wish for you this comforting light, not just at this moment, but for always. It’s growing in our midst, uniting and strengthening us. The road leads to inner freedom. That is the wondrous beginning.

your horoscope for today:

wireless mouse

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Child of Love

Have you loved your Heart this day?
Held it like a tender Child,
Beheld pure Innocence at play,
Shared Its laughter, bold yet mild?

Have you turned your eyes within?
Seeing Goodness spread Its wings,
Breathing deep the cool, soft Wind,
Thanking Love for all good things?

Have you felt Her Lotus Hands
Carress the Child who dwells within,
Bathing It in Amrit sweet,
That flows as joy from Love’s Ocean?

Have you loved your Heart this day?
Have you sung Its Song of Bliss?

Take this moment now to pray
That we may all now share in This.

- Edward Saugstad

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THE BIG BANG

 

 

girls are crazy!

 

Girls are crazy,
They’re always so lazy.
They walk around logs
And hate big bull-frogs.

They think boys are brats
Because they like rats,
And bring home dead snakes,
And make some mistakes.

In school they chatter,
The teacher’s no matter.
They try to look wise,
And watch you like spies.

The older you grow
The more you will know:
Girls are crazy!

 

- award winning poem by Eddie Saugstad, 1968, age 11/grade 6

 

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. . . At least, that’s what I thought about the snobby or flirty creatures in my eleventh year. I did grow to respect (some of) them. I remember a couple of instances in my youth when I found that a girl looked up to me as a supportive brother figure. It gave me an unaccustomed dignified feeling inside. I still enjoy similar relationships to this day, and find them a relief and stabilizing factor in a world of promiscuous addiction.

Here’s a nice article by – at the risk of sounding cliche, but meaning it from the heart – a wise sister:

 

Does male-female friendship exist?
That is one of the questions that preoccupies the pretty heads of the western society in the last centuries. . . .

 

 

(By the way, the indignant little girl with the exclamation mark is my wife.)

 

 

 

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prisoners of thought

I was visiting friends the other day. Their daughter, who I know since babyhood, just graduated from high school. She is now tall and smart, but just as much a free-spirited child as she always was. She has always nurtured her spiritual ascent, meditating regularly to enjoy the daily inner clearing and centering effect that this inbuilt connection, this sahaja yoga, has on her. Her classmates never showed any particular interest in her. But on the last day of classes, she was approached by the other girls who had been shocked to hear that she was not going with them on the graduation field trip. She was moved to tears when they started crying with dismay at the prospect of never seeing her again. They probably didn’t know themselves why they were so overwhelmed with emotion at this loss. The subtle vibrations that emit from such a person, like a comforting, familiar fragrance, sooth the energy centers and channels in others. This is not a theory, but a well documented phenomena which has been occurring with increasing frequency. I remember when another born-realized toddler made friends with an elderly lady on a return flight from India. Leaning against her knees, he sweetly smiled up into her face, radiating joy and thoughtless awareness. Then he played nearby, sometimes involving her in his games. By the end of the journey, the woman was beside herself with mirth. As they wheeled her from the plane, she was heard to exclaim, “I don’t know what has come over me. I feel so good!”

Such is the nature of the higher state we are approaching – a state of boundless benevolence that benefits everyone, regardless of race, age or social class. Its range of influence is limited by only one factor: human free will. A person with an honest and humble desire to attain freedom from blinding conditionings and misleading ambitions – one who feels, or at least hopes, that there is something more to life than what we’ve known so far – is destined to attain this treasure. It’s easy to reach, but sometimes a challenge to maintain in this chaotic world. At work and school we have to engage our brains in mundane, and often frustrating, routine. And the landslides of thoughts that bury our attention don’t vanish of their own accord when we come home to rest*. This key to freedom from random mental chatter is only ours to use when it once rises from its hiding place at the base of the spine to open the highest door at the top of the head. With minimal daily effort of the newly enlightened attention, you can permanently escape the burdens of the past and future, and settle into the playful present. If this is such a universal principal, why don’t we learn it in school and practice it in the workplace, you might justly ask. This knowledge and technique is now being implemented in many such institutions, but you know what they said about the early inventions of radio and television (and the later innovation of Apple digital devices): amazing, but will they ever be accepted into common use? Sometimes we humans stick to the old familiar and try to ignore the improvements we could embrace. May the essential joy and inner peace become the familiar that we get hooked on, leaving behind the dead-weight and noise that holds us down. Absolute freedom is just a breath away.

(*In sleep we can step out of this mental traffic, but the third state, that of meditation, is by far more deeply nurturing and liberating, in a permanent way.)

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the bully and the ghost

The Earth where we live is a very old place.
She has seen many things come and go.
From the left to the right, and right to the left,
The people have moved, fast and slow.

Here is a story about someone who’s left,
And someone who went very right.
And how, when they met, everything for them changed
And they came to the center of Light…

There once was a boy called Billy the Bull
Who walked with his nose in the air.
And when someone tried to show him their love,
He said that, “I really don’t care!”

But deep down inside Billy cared very much
And he wanted to show that he cared;
But when he was small he was hurt and abused,
And now he was angry and scared.

Every time big, bad Billy went out in the world
To find someone small to pick on,
He hid in his heart a big ocean of love,
And wished that the hate was all gone.

One lonely night, as he lay in his bed,
Billy felt he’s the worst in the world.
And as he sat up to shout out his shame,
He saw the small shape of a girl.

“What – who are you?” asked the boy in the dark.
But the little white shape hid and cried,
Till he walked ‘cross the room and sat on the floor
And told her to sit by his side.

There in the dark, on the cold bedroom floor,
Sat the bully and the white fairy.
Billy was trying to stay calm and strong,
But really he found her quite scary.

“You need not fear me”, came her quivering voice,
I’m a soul who has gone from this Earth.
When I was alive I was treated so bad
That I left, for I had little worth.”

And as she moved o’er, as if to fly off,
Billy begged her to stay and cheer up.
“Just because you were hurt, it’s no reason to die.
Why didn’t you fight and bear up?”

“You think it is better to fight like a fool?”
Asked the shimmering shape by his side.
“It is better to run and hide from the world,
Than show off your hate and false pride.”

“What do you mean? Running off is for fools!”
But before he could say any more
The room filled with golden, grand, sunny, warm Light,
And the children were filled with great awe!

Before them, a Boy with an elephant’s head
And the crown and the jewels of a king,
Stood smiling and shining like sun on a stream
With joy and sweet love o’erflowing.

“Take not to heart, all the pain that you’ve lived.
The dark ages of fear are to end.
For, coming to Earth, is the Mother’s sweet Realm.
All the wounds and dark thoughts, She will mend!”

“Little sister, fly up now and wait till you’re called.
A dear family is waiting for you.
You’ll come back, a baby in loving, warm arms
In a world with hearts clear and true!”

“And my brother, you’ve also been lonely too long.
Come with me and I’ll show you the times
That are coming to Earth, when innocence shines,
And all heart-songs, together, will rhyme!”

And up they did fly through great, wondrous dreams,
Till the whole world was laughing with joy.
Then down Billy bounced, into his soft bed,
Where he cuddled his favorite of toys.

When he awoke, with the sun in his eyes,
He looked out to see the new world.
Deep in his heart he saw, for the first time,
New hope shine for each boy and girl.

- Ed Saugstad

the universal child

 

God dreamed,
And in Her dreams She saw
The Perfect Form
To reveal Her Love:

In soft
And tender, rosy limbs;
In gentle, curious,
Tickling buds;

In plump
And soothing curves that glow
With generous, happiest
Harmony;

With bright
Caressing, sunny eyes,
And ears to hear
What’s pure and dear;

With tiny,
Shiny lips and tongue
Which taste and sing
And breathe sweetness.

Into
One simplest, gracious Form,
The Best from God
Was humbly born.

And with
Each murmur, smile and wink,
The Mother’s Heart
Did bound and leap!

With each
Fumbling, curious grasp,
The Mother’s Voice
Was heard to laugh!

And when
That Child was sleeping sound,
The Mother’s tears
Of Joy ran down . . .

No flower,
No hill, nor moonlit sea
Can match that deep
Serenity.

Those soft
Eyelids, so calm in sleep,
Do lull to peace
The whole world’s grief,

As, cool
And clear, comes from Above,
That heartfelt Sigh
Of Mother’s Love.

 

– e. e. saugstad, 1996

 

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birthday?

By the way, if today happens to be your birthday here’s a little present for you . . .

 

 

 

(it’s just one mouse click away)

 

 

 

The Case For Innocence

Natural Innocence, like absolute Love, is the very foundation of life. It can’t be destroyed, only clouded over in one’s awareness. There are those who would accuse Innocence of being a limiting state that should be grown out of. In fact, it is of the Essence, and a priceless asset to every living thing. It is the fragrance that makes life worth living. If its light is smothered in us, we lose the vitality, the spark of joy, that fills our life with meaning.

I’ve worked on city streets and seen old children, working in the sex trade, hanging on corners with shriveled skin and hollow eyes, like burnt tree trunks in a once lush forest. There are religious organizations that would have us live in states of guilt and darkness, or of egoistical pride and fiery aggression, and the world seems to be run now by ravenous corporations bent on monetary profit at any sacrifice. Most of the daily bad news that bombards us is the result of, directly or indirectly, the decline of Innocence. But Tagore wrote: “Every child born brings the message that God is not yet discouraged of men.” We’re (still) in luck.

Innocence lives in each of us, and supports us, emanating from our Mooladhara center and our heart. We love to hear a child laugh (if we’re not too stressed); to see a puppy play, or the sun rise on a landscape, and sometimes we miss that certain something that seemed to have died in us when we left childhood. It didn’t die, and it is easily unearthed. There’s a simple experience that can be reached effortlessly by any human being, that allows that essential light to shine powerfully inside of us. It’s not a pay-for formula or a trick of the mind. It’s something built-in and it’s waiting, like a present on your birthday. It’s time to open it.

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Innocence Wins

 

One fine morning, down the street,
An elephant I chanced to meet:
“Good day,” I said, and trying to pass
Spoiled my shoes in the dewy grass.

(For he filled the sidewalk, where
He stood without a thought or care.)

“Excuse me sir, I’m late for work!”
I shouted up, a bit berserk.
“If I’m not there by half-passed eight
“I’ll loose my job for being late!”

(But he pretended not to hear
And simply smiled from ear to ear.)

“What’s wrong with elephants these days?!”
I cursed, my liver now ablaze.
“Don’t you watch the stock-exchange?!”
“Time is money! Life is change!”

(He waved his ears and gave a yawn
And nodded to the rising sun.)

“I’ve sweated all my life to be
“Important in the company!
“No elephant will make me stop
“My ardent race to reach the top!”

(With his trunk he picked a rose
And pushed it up against my nose.)

“Listen here you thoughtless brute,
“Perhaps you think you’re being cute,
“But you’d better face the fact:
“You’re holding evolution back!”

At this remark he seemed to grow
And over me, a shadow throw;
A shadow cool and comforting . . .
I wondered what was happening.

Just then I noticed in his eyes
A clear blue depth, like endless skies.
And did, or did I not there see
All life, all hope, all destiny?

Suddenly I seemed to wake
And gave myself a good, strong shake.
“What is . . . where am . . . how did . . .?” said I.
“Where is that god who made me cry?”

(Then wiping tears from both my eyes
I stepped back in great surprise.)

For there before me on the walk
A little child stood looking up.
With head just slightly to one side
He sweetly watched my melting pride.

(I felt embarrassed by his gaze
Which read me like the sun’s pure rays.)

With smile playing on his lips
He quickly turned, and off he skipped.
Was it my heart that, by his whim,
Ran that day along with him?

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That was a long, long time ago.
And though today I’m gray and old
I feel that child within me still.
And gratefully, I always will.

- Edward E. Saugstad, Cambridge, summer of ‘87

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